In Mommyhood by Carlissa ShawLeave a Comment

He told me to put that baby down but I didn’t listen. I have been team no sleep for over a year and a half and it is probably my fault.

From the time I birthed Nia Grace Calhoun until forever I have loved nothing more in this life than to hold her in my arms and snuggle her close. When she was very small her daddy (Duke) always told me to “put that baby down.” I refused. I needed to feel her warmth and I wanted her to feel mine. I was/am addicted to her, but Duke told me that she needed to be independant and that I needed to let her be able to sit by herself.

Well I did it my way and I was 100% wrong. Grace is a funny, fun, smart, strong beautiful girl but I spoiled her. At 18 months she still refuses to sleep if she knows I am around without being rocked to sleep. She also wakes up multiple times a night to nurse or just make sure I am still there. I am her personal pacifier.

I did say she was smart because she does not do that with anyone but me. She stays with my mother during the day and sleeps in her crib by herself everyday for her nap. The few times she has spent the night at there house she sleeps in her crib all night long without any problem.

I almost think my parents think I may making up my sleep deprivation stories because she does so well with them. It is almost laughable but it is not funny because I have a 18 month old that has a sleeping pattern of a newborn.

I will admit and I do not admit fault often. He was right; I should have put that baby down.

Becoming a new mom makes us become people that we barely recognize. I was so sure that I would not spoil my baby. I do not even like holding other people’s babies but my own little human has turned me soft.

Y’all pray for me. Ain’t nothing wrong, my life is just run by a tiny human.

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